Maybe it's something I'm used to when I miss you, and that something just led me to your block, and I sat at the lounge, silently thinking to myself. I contemplated again and again, if it would be a good idea. Was it a sign of weakness? Would it make it harder to bear? But it was already almost impossible to bear... Our imaginary would-be conversation went on in my head.

"Hey... Did you cry?"

"I can't say I didn't miss you at all and that a huge part of me wish that I didn't talk to you this morning, but I came over to see you, because I don't think we'll see each other until maybe after finals end..."

Even though deep down I know we probably wouldn't see each other, even after that...

And then I'd walk off. And I'd stop midway. And pat you gently on the head.

"Take good care of yourself."



I braced myself as I walked towards the door. I was scared. Much like the times I went over to ask you to forgive me. Much like the times I went over just to wake you up for breakfast. Much like all the times, just before I see you - a stomach churning with butterflies.

I knocked on the door, but you were never there... You went out. With him.

It has been less than 5 hours since I've last talked to you and I miss you so much, just like everyday, but today, it is filled with a bit more of pain and sorrow. Because I wonder if that's the last we'll ever talk to each other. And I kept thinking, and I kept resisting. Going over just to find you. To give you a hug. Because God knows if I'll ever be able to hug you ever again. Because yesterday, our hug was so half fucked. Because I don't want to know that the last hug I ever gave to the most important girl in my world was barely a hug. I so badly want you back in my arms right now and I so badly wish we were in a better place. But I can't. And I miss you. Much more with every passing minute.

There hasn't been a day I stopped and gave less than my all.
I have never stopped loving you.
And it's painful, sometimes.
Especially when:
You seem like you picked me over him.
For a while.
And then him over me again.
I so badly want to wait.
And I know I can.
But.
How do I at least get an answer,
To this waiting game?
I'm not tired of chasing you.
I never will be.
But I'm just tired of uncertainties because:
My insecurities kill me a little more inside when,
You are with him, and not with me, where you should be,
And I'm scared.
That even when you, one day, become mine...
That our love wouldn't be as strong and pure anymore.
If only because I grew used to the fact that,
One day I may lose you,
And that thought doesn't scare me that much anymore.
Am I moving on and letting go?
Or is this just a greater form of love?
One which is willing to let go so as not to tie you down,
And hurt you more?
Because I am so very afraid...
Afraid that...
The most important girl in my world would end up to be just...
Another girl...
I wish the magic would return to the good old days.
And just the thought of losing you tears me apart,
Into a million pieces.
But a part of me already accepted that,
We could never be.